I’ve been doing a little self analysis, you know, pondering, trying to figure out what makes me tick, or why I do some of the things I do. It’s a life long process, but when something makes me go hmmm, I try to dig into the hmmms.
A few weeks ago I had my gallbladder removed. That’s a hmmm in itself. If we don’t need a gallbladder to live, why do we have one? Another hmmm for me was that I went into the hospital and less than four hours later I left having had a robot take pics of my innards, and with one less organ than I was born with. Another hmmm, that organ was sucked out on a Wednesday and I went back to work on a Monday.
But here’s the thing that really made me go hmmm. Two days after this procedure, it seems like cheating to even call it surgery, I took a walk to start getting back into the groove. Albeit a short walk, I had to start somewhere to get back to my miles a day. Tony walked with me as I went 20 yards down the road. I said to him that I was going to have to start trying to walk upright because I was kind of protecting my belly, and he said “you always walk looking down.” Out of all the hmmms in this story, that’s the big hmmm. Of course I humphed and denied it, I’m not a bent over walker, I’m just a bolder walker. You know, a girl on a mission.
But, you know what happens once someone says something like that to you, you’re then super self-conscious about it. So, I’ve been taking stock of my walking, and… he’s right. I walk looking down almost constantly. I don’t stand up straight, I lead with my head and plow forward, shoulders rounded, tilted forward. I notice that I do this on my outdoor walks, down the hall at work, making my way to the other side of the Wal-Mart store, etc. Now I know why my mom always used to tap (smack) me on the back and say “put your shoulders up.” This never made sense to me, who wants to walk around with their shoulders touching their ears, but I knew what she meant. Stand up straight.
This very wordy lead in is to say that I’ve been examining my posture lately. You know, our posture says so much about us. Now I’m no posture expert and I even hesitated writing this knowing I just might be reminded of it. But our outer appearance says so much about our inward feelings, doesn’t it? Our posture determines whether or not we are approachable, wounded, afraid, hurt, bold, etc. I know, it sounds funny, but how we stand does make a difference, in more ways than one.
I’ve been thinking about it. Who would want to approach me if they can only see the top of my head? Or, who would want to approach me if they have to run to keep up with me? It’s really made me think (overthink) about my posture. I’m now consciously trying to stand up straight (whatever that is), relax my shoulders (so I don’t look so uptight), roll my shoulders back (so I don’t look like I need protection), and lift my chin (so I don’t lead with my head or look like a turtle). All of these adjustments cause me to slow down a fraction and adjust my gaze upward. That’s the hmmm.
My posture can reflect where my gaze is centered, on me or on Him. If I’m looking at my belly button and charging forward, I cannot look to the heavens from whence my help comes from. If I’m looking down, my eyes only see me, I’m only looking at myself, most likely my feet and where I’m going to place them next. But, if I’m standing straight and my gaze is lifted upward, I won’t see where I’m going, I will see where He’s leading me. Hmmm.
I lift my eyes to you O God, enthroned in heaven. Psalm 123:1
We cannot look up if we’re looking down…physically or spiritually.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace. Amen.